


on japes and haunted houses

by AimiTachibanana



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Getting Together, Halloween, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Humorous Ending, M/M, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Sexual Tension, dares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:28:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27360466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AimiTachibanana/pseuds/AimiTachibanana
Summary: As the notorious cynical duo, Remus and Sirius are dared by their friends to spend the night inside a haunted house to prove whether ghosts are real or not... what could go wrong?
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 60





	on japes and haunted houses

During the season of spooks, one of the things Sirius and Remus agree on is the absurdity of how people quickly turn to the paranormal at unexplainable occurrences. Sirius mostly pretends to be scared for the sake of fun, secretly wishing he could feel the same thrill James and Peter experiences when they get spooked. He supposes it must be a lot more fun and exciting when it's genuine. People used to think it was the other way around and that he was masking his fear with cockiness, but after pulling a jumpscare prank on him during fifth year halloween night, they confirmed he really isn't easily frightened—or at all, for that matter. Remus on the other hand, is a huge cynic. He never fails to shoot down any hint of things remotely supernatural with solid facts and logic. Those who aren't annoyed, will turn to him if they get too scared to refrain themselves from thinking irrationally. He was more than willing to debunk what scared them in the first place, which hailed him the title of "the class' resident Ghost Buster,"—courtesy of Peter.

This sixth year, they sat in a circle at the Potters' living room in the middle of their annual Halloween party. A newly arrived Lily whose costume is a pumpkin; in her orange poofy dress with a green top hat was asked by the owner of the house who was dressed as Elvis Presley why she seemed perturbed.

"It's cause she attended against her better judgement." Marlene quipped, earning a laugh from the small crowd.

"Well, aside from that," said Lily, grinning as James shot daggers across Marlene's view. "I passed by that huge house around the corner of your street. The abandoned one? With decaying wood and plants everywhere?"

"Sounds like a literal haunted house." Peter commented.

" _Looked_ like a literal haunted house." Lily added. "I got the shivers from it."

"Oh yeah, it's been there a long time. I never pass by that side of the street exactly because of that." said James. "Although," he scooted closer to Lily. "I'd be happy to accompany you once you're headed back home." he winked.

"Sure." Lily deadpanned. "So if something happens, people will find _two_ dead bodies 'round that area." The crowd laughed again.

Remus, who sat next to Lily, snorted, "Come on, Lils, you can't get murdered by a house." he slurred.

Lily narrowed her eyes at Sirius who was next to Remus. He grinned. "He's a bit drunk."

"And how come you aren't yet?" Lily asked.

Sirius shrugged. "Only so-so. I don't want to miss out on the fun."

Just then, a lightbulb of an idea lit as the tipsy James cleared his throat. "So we _all_ know my mate Remus here, doesn't believe in ghosts." Soft sounds of agreement followed while Remus only nodded, rolling his eyes. "I propose a dare!" 

People began perking up in interest at this. They glanced at Remus, expecting him to protest but the latter simply smirked back at James.

"You are to go to the haunted house. Explore it, I don't know. Prove to us that ghosts don't exist." James finished.

The crowd gave a low and menacing _ooh_ sound but Remus only leaned back, "Easy." he said. The _ooh's_ got louder. 

Sirius closed his gaping mouth and took a sip of his spiced punch. "I love drunk Remus." he mumbled.

"You do, do you?" Remus murmured back, turning to his side and making Sirius choke on his drink.

Peter, who had been silently watching the events unfold up until then, spoke, "I have an idea." Everyone turned to him in interest. "Spend the night there."

People cheered while Remus' face fell. "Not so easy anymore eh, Lupin?" James laughed.

"I have to draw the line somewhere. This just sounds like you're all ganging up on me." Remus shook his head.

"How about Sirius comes with you." said Lily, everyone turned their heads to her. "He's a non-believer like you. You both get to prove it to us… or you know, the other way around." she stared at both of them challengingly.

"Hold on," said Remus. "Sirius?" he asked, glancing to his side to discern the man's expression.

James scoffed. "Come on canine-duo, it'll be perfect." People chuckled at the nickname. Indeed, Remus was dressed as a werewolf while Sirius, though at first glance only seemed like he was attending a punk rock concert in his tight leather-themed outfit, had a pair of black dog ears on his head.

"You're basing it on the fact that we have matching costumes?" Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Yes and no." replied James. "Look, who knows? You might end up disproving ghosts' existence once and for all _or_ you might see one and get spooked for the first time!"

Before Remus could argue further, Sirius stood up. "Sounds fun. You up for it, Remus?" he extended a hand.

Everyone was silent in anticipation for Remus' response. Eventually, he took Sirius' hand and pulled himself up. "I'm not one to back down from a challenge."

* * *

"Alright, this is stupid." Remus broke the silence, sighing exasperatedly. The alcohol has gradually worn off since agreeing to the dare, making his brain function a lot better now.

They had just finished setting up their sleeping bags but then Sirius got to his feet once more. He laughed and offered a tumbler in Remus' direction. "Sober you after a drink is always extra grouchy."

Albeit with a frown, Remus took it from Sirius' hand, "What's this? Getting me tipsy again so I'm more fun to be around with?"

"Just water! Christ, Remus, take a chill pill, we have the whole night ahead of us." Remus' squared shoulders sagged in guilt and he took a sip. "I only got a flask of it, if you _do_ want some. And it's not the punch, mind you. Got this straight out of the bottle." Sirius flashed him a grin before tucking a tiny silver flask inside his jean's back pocket. Remus had to tear his eyes away from the tight leather forming his friend's hips quite sinfully.

He shook his head and returned the tumbler with a small smile. "Thanks. So what d'you reckon we should do?"

Sirius simply discarded the tumbler along with the rest of their things. "Explore." he said, pointing his lit torch to the rest of the house. "Bust the ghosts."

Remus stood up and followed. "I honestly don't understand why I'm called that, given I don't actually _bust_ _the ghosts._ I rather doubt they even exist."

"Yes well, it's Peter." he said, in a tone so declarative like this statement alone supplied every query. "Besides, it has a ring to it." 

"Do _you_ think there's such a thing?" Remus said as he flipped the switch on his own torch.

"What, ghosts?" 

Remus nodded. They began their meandering around the ground floor where everything was mostly still in tack. The scant furniture was toppled over as if either haphazardly arranged or purposefully dismantled. With each heavy step, floorboards creaked and dust erupted. Their light was sparse but the faded and rusting colours were all very visible.

Shrugging, Sirius sighed. "I guess I want to." Upon seeing Remus frown at this, he continued. "I mean… it'll be cool if I saw one."

"You're not scared?"

"Hell no." Sirius went to the direction of the kitchen and glanced behind him momentarily. "You?"

"Hell no." Remus repeated just as casually, he saw Sirius return his smirk. Truth be told; of all people to be alone in a “haunted house” with, he was glad it was Sirius. He had to admit it gets rather tiresome to be the level-headed one all the time when it comes to these things. Sure, Sirius can be quite the handful but at least he can rely on this man to be capable of handling himself well and not freak out over circumstantial events. 

_This_ was what Remus continues to convince himself with the reason behind his chest fluttering at the idea of having to spend the whole night in the most unappealing place ever imaginable at Halloween.

The house wasn't a mansion by all means. Exploring was quicker than they both anticipated, especially since there were barely things left inside, and those that did remain were all empty or deteriorating in quality. The first floor did prove to be more promising at least with its wrecked condition, giving it a more 'haunting' appeal rather than simply 'abandoned' like the ground floor. There were only three rooms so they decided to split up then meet in the master's bedroom.

An abrupt yawn interrupted Remus' nod of agreement. Sirius glanced behind him to give Remus a perceiving look before he could turn to the opposite room. "Ready for reinforcements?"

"What're you on about?"

Sirius wiggled his hips in Remus' direction, brandishing the tiny flask's cap that poked out of his jeans which glimmered as the torch flashed through it. 

Remus rolled his eyes but didn't protest at the idea. "Unbelievable." 

"Go on."

Remus blinked, catching on to Sirius' point. "What, _I_ have to—fine, okay." he fished it out of Sirius' incredibly tight jeans. "Your hands aren't even full." His feeble complaint echoed in the silence while he focused on anything other than the sensation of how the flask did a small curve as he dragged it up. His swig was bigger than he originally planned and he winced at the sting as he gave it back. 

Sirius grinned and took a sip of his own. "Wanted you to appreciate my costume, which you still haven't complimented by the way."

"What is there to compliment?" Remus huffed a laugh, as he raked his eyes all over the man in front of him. "I think the ears are cute. I like how the only identifying factor of your costume is the same colour as your hair which, you know, makes it even harder to discern."

It was more teasing than complimenting but Sirius simply replied, "Thanks." he fiddled with the soft ears on his head with a small smile. "I knew I could pull off being cute."

"You can honestly wear dishrags, clown boots or even the most obnoxious fluorescent spiky mohawk and you'd still look attractive." Remus said flatly, already facing away to the room behind him.

Sirius was taken aback by the unexpected addition as he stood watching Remus enter the opposite room. When he went to do the same, an uncontrollable smile rose to his face. If it was because of the backhanded compliment or the person saying it—he wasn't sure, but it took awhile for him to stop thinking about it.

When the idea was first introduced, he was elated by the exciting turn from the typical Halloween night. If he were being honest, he would’ve volunteered to charge inside this place regardless of Lily suggesting it, not to say he wasn’t thankful for an easier approach to his intention anyway. Being alone with Remus was a huge bonus of course… definitely not the other way around.

The house's office was apparently where Sirius ended up at. He concluded this from the emptiness of the place apart from tables and a single trunk. For a moment, he felt a thrill run down his spine as his mind spurred with wild guesses of the contents of the trunk, but then—

_"Sirius!"_

His name was called in such hysteria that he immediately bolted to the source of the sound, heavy padding of his footsteps echoed, almost threatening the whole floor to collapse. "Remus?" he scanned the room frantically before he started backwards upon hearing a loud and sudden " _BOO!"_

Sirius clutched his chest and smacked the other man's arm beside him. "You utter twat…" he grumbled, though his huge grin failed any attempt to appear threatening. "What the fuck, Remus?"

The cackling Remus was using the door frame for support. "I got bored." he stood properly and placed his hand on Sirius' shoulder, still chuckling. "Sorry but, that was really funny."

Remus' tinkling laugh evaporated all of his irritation for causing unnecessary panic, he could only roll his eyes. "I'm guessing you didn't find anything?"

"If dust bunnies count…" Remus walked past Sirius to the master bedroom. "At least this room looks more interesting. There's a bed." he ran a finger through it. "Still dusty, of course. Hey, don't you wonder what the history is behind this place?"

"By all means, Ghost-Buster." Sirius remained standing by the door.

Remus gave him a look but when he noted their distance he quipped, "What's the matter over there? Don't tell me I scared you too much?"

"Shut up. I wasn’t scared."

"Nice try, but I think that was the first time I heard you panic." Remus grinned. 

Indeed it was the first time Sirius panicked, but that was because in that split second of searching, numerous scenarios of Remus being in some form of danger flashed in his mind and he hadn’t had a single clue what he would do then, only that he should head to Remus right away. Instead of clearing this up, he snorted and shook his head. "I didn't think one sip was that strong for you already."

After a short interval of Remus reflecting this, he then sauntered towards Sirius. "So sorry to disappoint you but, I'm not drunk. I actually think I'm fully sober now."

A slight furrow formed between Sirius’ brows. "Why would I be disappointed?"

The tawny-haired man tilted his head, "You did say you love me drunk." 

If he didn't know Remus, he wouldn't have noticed the slight hesitation in his voice. "Oh Remus, how could you ever doubt my love for you?" he stared directly into the latter's eyes.

Remus recoiled from the intense gaze, a hand rubbing the back of his neck. He let out a weak chuckle. "Bloody hell, I was kidding. Just wanted to let you know I was still conscious about everything that happened." he faced away and headed to the dressers. "You know, I have a theory. Like most 'haunted' places, I think this one suffered a fire incident." 

"Is that so?" Sirius followed suit, never stopping until he was right behind Remus. Sure enough, he saw a startled expression for a small second when the latter turned behind him.

"Yeah." Remus' eyes were unfocused. "Many of the things here aren't just rusting from old age, it's also charred. See?" he gestured to the edge of the dresser.

"I get that." Sirius leaned in closer and grabbed Remus' chin to meet his gaze. "But also, it's nice to know you were conscious the entire time you kept staring at my arse." he was whispering by now.

Remus' efforts to maintain a neutral expression were helplessly futile so he decided to just give up entirely. He shrugged, "You don't seem to have a problem with it." he challenged.

Arms bracketed Remus at the dresser. "Not if it's you." His mouth ghosted over Remus' before he paused, biting his bottom lip. "Do you want me to stop?"

"I want you to get on with it already." Remus whispered to his ear and placed both hands on Sirius’ neck, sending shivers down his body. 

That was all it took for their three hours worth of self-restraint to break down as their hot and needy lips crashed against each other. Remus used one arm to prop himself on his elbow as he leaned in to deepen the kiss. Every touch was electrifying, it made them forget where they were as they focused on each other’s taste. But the moment was cut short when Remus broke off, eyes wide and distracted. 

“Did you hear that?” he whispered, as if afraid to disrupt the silence when they did nothing else but fill since arriving.

Sirius couldn’t pry his eyes away from Remus’ swollen lips, bobbing Adam’s apple and tiny hazel irises around his blown pupils. He merely chuckled, his hand rising to guide Remus’ neck back up. “This won’t work on me twice.” he said, pressing a small kiss on Remus’ lips and smiled when the latter returned it ever so softly.

“I’m not making it up this time. I really heard something.” Though smiling already, Remus' gaze remained distracted.

“It must be me.” Sirius mumbled, biting the other man’s earlobe. “I mean, I _am_ slowly crushing you on this rickety dresser.”

Remus hummed softly, letting Sirius indulge him for now as he tilted his neck for better access. He reckons kissing Sirius made his brain all fuzzy, like slowly being intoxicated with alcohol again, but the knowledge of the sound being something other than the dresser kept running in his mind since it would’ve been a lot more vivid otherwise. It wasn’t even remotely identical to the sound of old furniture. What he did hear, was a distant thud—like a door shutting, but then it simply could’ve just been the wind anyway…

_“Creeeeak!”_

It jolted him this time. His hands gripped around Sirius’ chest. “Sirius?” 

Sirius glanced behind him. “Yeah, okay… I definitely heard that one. I was about to accuse you as the boy who cried...” he poked the furry grey ears on top of Remus’ head, “wolf.” he quirked his eyebrows and Remus rolled his eyes with a reluctant smile.

After awhile of waiting for any more of those ominous noises, Remus then spoke, “Do you… wanna go check it out?”

With a resigned grin, Sirius threw his head back and sighed, “I really don’t.”

Feeling himself fueled with courage by their kiss, Remus chuckled and placed a small peck on Sirius’ exposed neck. “Don’t tell me you’re scared _now?”_

“How dare you…” Sirius narrowed his eyes and wrapped an arm around Remus’ waist. “The reasons are not what you’re accusing me of. I don’t get scared, okay? I thought I proved that last year.”

A smirk formed on his lips. “And I thought I proved you wrong just minutes ago.” 

“I was scared _for_ you. That’s different.”

Remus’ expression softened. “What’s this? Sirius Black is a secret softie?”

“Only for you.” he winked. Once again, Remus eye-rolled at this and took his hand, tugging them out of the room.

“Come on, I’m anxious for more interruptions.”

Sirius let himself be dragged as he chewed on his bottom lip. “Remus,” he waited for the other man to acknowledge his call before proceeding. “I hope you know I’m being serious about all this by the way.” His tone was a lot gentler this time and felt the other man pause his steps at this confession.

His expression was unreadable for a second before he raised an eyebrow, “You’re being serious, are you?”

“I thought _I_ was the annoying one.” Sirius shook his head, grinning widely. He took Remus’ place and led the way to the second floor when he stopped dead in his tracks upon noticing something out of the corner of his eye. It was the room he came from, and the trunk was wide open.

Remus sensed the change in mood and he traced Sirius’ line of sight. “What is it?”

Without looking away, Sirius replied. “I could swear that wasn’t like that earlier.” 

“Wind?” he offered his first counter at anything suspicious.

“Remus,” Sirius glanced at him, “there’s no window.” he flashed his torch around the room.

Remus heaved a sigh and forced out a laugh. “Shut up. _Stop taking the piss._ Look, I know startling you was terrible, alright? I apologized!” But instead of the second floor, he headed downstairs.

Beneath the underlying guilt, amusement rose to his chest at seeing Remus’ reaction. “I’m not! I would’ve tried harder if my goal was to scare you.” He concentrated on scanning the small room while he was still distracted from dwelling on his eerie discovery.

Remus ignored his heart racing. As soon as he arrived at their sleeping bags, he crouched to search for the water tumbler, suddenly hyper aware of his dry throat. He felt annoyed the longer he spent rummaging around, when he finally heard footsteps from the kitchen, he snapped, “Where did you even throw the tumbler? Bloody hell, we barely brought anything with us and yet you still manage to be so messy.” he said while flipping Sirius’ sleeping bag out of frustration. Thankfully, it really was underneath and he wasted no time drinking. This time, heavier footsteps sounded, echoing. Remus had to turn behind him, appalled at the loudness.

A sweaty Sirius neared, smiling weakly. “I don’t feel like staying here longer.”

“Hold on. Where did you come from?” Remus asked, his breathing growing more unsteady.

Sirius looked nonplussed, “Upstairs.” he said simply. “This sounds absolutely mad, but I felt _something_ by my ear when I was observing the room…. What’s wrong with you?” he said, noting Remus’ frozen state.

Blinking to break his stupor, Remus met Sirius' gaze. “I heard you approaching from the kitchens.”

Sirius only gulped in response.

* * *

“Well! Aren’t you two a sight for sore eyes.” James grinned devilishly. He was by his front porch with an equally amused looking Lily.

“And at least eight hours early.” She added, crossing her arms over her chest.

Both men glanced at each other before speaking at the same time:

“Party’s over then?”

“Why are you outside?”

James and Lily burst out laughing while the other two flushed red.

“Sorry for sounding a bit hopeful but, both of you literally look like you’ve seen a ghost.” James said in between chuckles.

Lily’s eyes darted between the two men in front of her. “I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you both scared.” 

_“I’m_ not scared!” Sirius frowned petulantly.

Remus glared at Sirius. “Oh you’re saying I was?”

“You definitely were.”

“Bullshit you weren’t!”

“Boys! Please,” Lily grinned. “settle down. We’d love to hear what happened. It’d be nice to shake things up this Halloween. Let’s hear a creepy story from you guys this time.”

James laughed again, “That’d be great actually. I was about to take Ms Evans home, but the Potter seniors are away and since you’re both here now, we have the whole night!” he quirked his eyebrows at Lily before turning to his shaken friends, “What happened out there, lads? We can head inside and wait for you to calm down if you want.” 

Silence hung in the air. The first pair looking smug while the other refused to express any sort of emotion.

But then Remus spoke first, taking everyone by surprise, “We snogged.” he said flatly.

It was James and Lily’s turn to be at a loss for words as they gaped at the unexpected response.

“Oh…” she then croaked.

“That’s right.” Sirius hung an arm around Remus’ shoulder. “And we haven’t actually finished.” Remus’ eyes shifted to the man beside him in mild shock and interest. “So, _Jamie-boy_ , thank you for the offer. We’d love to spend the night.” They walked past the owner of the house who was still slack-jawed, and opened the door for themselves.

Remus stopped by the entrance to look over his shoulder at the remaining two, “We’ll see you inside? Both of you?” he said, expression full of innocence as he batted his eyelashes.

James glanced at Lily mechanically. “Yeah just… I’ll let my parents know.” Lily replied and they watched Remus smile lastly before shutting the door.

“I honestly can’t tell if they’re messing with us back or not.” James was first to speak.

Lily snapped her gaze at him. “You think they knew it was all planned?” she whispered harshly.

He shook his head vigorously, “Peter said he wasn’t seen!”

“Yeah,” Lily trailed, “Although it doesn’t sound like something they would fake...”

“You think so?” James asked, his brows still knitted together. Lily just shrugged in response and he sighed deeply in resignation. “Well, are you really heading home now?”

After a short pause, Lily said, “You know, I’m more interested to know the truth between those two.”

James’ face lit up but only slightly. “Oh. Wait, which truth? The happenings at the house or about them snogging?”

“Both,” said Lily, already twisting the doorknob open. Something prevented it from swinging so she squeezed herself inside from the ajar space but immediately clasped her hands at her mouth and spun to face the opposite side.

Concern rising, James pushed the door open with more force this time but heard someone go, _“Ow! Fuck.”_ Sirius peaked from behind the door, looking disheveled and flushed, a hand rubbing his other arm soothingly. When James entered, he spotted Remus right behind Sirius looking as wrecked, leaning back against the wall and panting slightly.

“Were… you two…?”

Sirius sighed exasperatedly. “Yes, James. We were!” Remus rolled his eyes and chuckled behind him. “We _did_ tell you we weren’t finished.”

Affronted, James protested, though his brain had a lot of difficulty formulating a full sentence. “Here? Now?” he sputtered.

“We didn’t think you’d be back so soon!” Sirius argued.

That was a strong point, James considered as he closed his eyes and conceded. “Fine. So you two snog now.” he sighed, “I also have a confession to make.”

“James?” Lily interjected, giving him a cautionary look. 

He held her gaze before seeing Sirius and Remus stare at him apprehensively. “We were all in on the joke to scare you in the haunted house.” he said in one breath.

“James!” said Lily.

“Hold on. _You knew?”_ Sirius snapped his eyes up at Lily.

Lily held up both her hands, in an attempt to calm him down. “Listen—”

“I’m going to kill you both.” Remus’ tone was full of ice, when they all turned towards him only a blank expression displayed on his face.

“No! No no no Remus, it wasn’t just us…” James began, already backing away and making Lily do the same behind him.

“I’m going to kill all of you.” Remus corrected himself, glaring up at them this time. He was about to leap forward but Sirius restrained him.

“Run! Save yourselves!”

“Sirius, we’re supposed to be on the same side!”

“Ahhhh!”

“Remus, listen to reason, please!”

Needless to say, none of them got any sleep that night and neither did the Potters’ neighbors.

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment below to tell me what you think! i really enjoy reading feedback. thanks so much for reading!
> 
> tumblr: @aimitachibanana


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